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The process of growing older is harder than I thought it would be. I was not really ready for the number of things you have to be ready to lose. You recognize one day that at most you have 20 years left and that they will be the years when you have the least abilities and health. You recognize that at the very time when you are the most tired that life will be the most difficult.

How can we cope with getting older?

One we must accept it as a reality of life. There is no escape from it.

Two we must set realistic expectations for this chapter in our book. We must determine what we can and cannot do with hopeful expectations.

We must also see what we now have that we never had before. We have more wisdom and experience than ever before. We may also have more control over our time. Also, we have less to lose. We can speak our minds.

Illness and sickness allow others to serve us. This is good for them. They develop character caring for us when we are weak. Seeing purpose in our weakness can help us endure our weakness.

So take some time to adjust to getting older. Remember where there is life there is hope. Turn your regrets over to the Lord and seek to enjoy today.

As a prisoner of the Lord, I beg you to live in a way that is worthy of the people God has chosen to be his own. Always be humble and gentle. Patiently put up with each other and love each other. Try your best to let God’s Spirit keep your hearts united. Do this by living at peace. (Ephesians 4:1-3 CEV)

Eph 4:3

(ASV) giving diligence to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

(CEV) Try your best to let God’s Spirit keep your hearts united. Do this by living at peace.

(DRB) Careful to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

(EMTV) being diligent to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

(ESV) eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

(GNB) Do your best to preserve the unity which the Spirit gives by means of the peace that binds you together.

How can the church maintain the unity that the Holy Spirit has created by baptizing us into the body of Christ? How can we live in guietness and rest with each other. How can we keep our relationships right?

None of this is easy. Sin’s first impact was to divide the man and the woman in shame from each other. Christians have struggled to have emotionally healthy relationships since the first century. So how can we strive to obey this command? How can we move in the direction of preserving the unity and peace of the body of Christ?

I believe that the first step is prayer. We must really pray for each other. If I am praying for my brother or sister sincerely then it is less likely that I will say or do things to hurt them. Now, the prayer has to be an honest prayer and not a self righteous judgment in the form of a prayer. I have to actually be praying the Lord will bless my brother or sister. I also have to pray that God will restore and reconcile our relationship.

I also have to remind myself of the common ground that I have with every other Christian. We all have the same heavenly Father. We all have the same Savior. The Holy Spirit is in both of us. We share a common faith and the common goal of the kingdom of God. We are forever family. This bond is actually stronger that that of blood from God’s perspective.

I need to grant the judgment of charity, love, mercy, and grace to my brother or sister when they do or say something wrong, foolish, or confusing. What would be the best motivation my brother or sister could have had for doing or saying this? We must not demonize each other or think that our brother or sister only had the darkest and most vile motivations when they did something. Our emotions are controlled by the story we tell ourselves. If we tell ourselves a horror story then our feelings will become filled with fear and anger. We must tell ourselves the best story we can about what has happened since only God knows the heart. When I make my brother or sister a monster this is most likely not God’s view of my brother or sister.

Judge thyself with the judgment of sincerity, and thou will judge others with the judgment of charity. — John Mitchell Mason

We must follow Matthew 18

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
(Matthew 18:15-17 ESV)

We must understand that while gossip, rumor spreading, and murmuring come naturally to us this has never helped to protect the unity of the church or promote peace. We must face the self rightous roots of all such behavior and dedicate ourselves to going to people one on one when we have conflicts or have been hurt. If we cannot find reconcilation we must press on and get counseling with people where there is division. Some things may not be able to be fixed but we need to know that we have really attempted in every way humanly to find reconcilation. Whenever we do not have reconcilation in a relationship we have fallen short of God’s perfect will. As much as it relies upon us we need to seek to have peace (Rom 12:18).

I find this hard to do. I think we all do. I think I have not sought for outside counsel when I should have in order to find reconciation when my own efforts failed. I have left to many things half fixed or unfixed simply because I did not know how to make them any better. I am challenged to work harder to solve these problems and not think they will just go away. We must strive to have a real unity in the body and one free of unhealthy division. We must be an emotionally healthy church.

I do think that good relationships are helped by good structures. Human beings in community do not do well when there are not an agreed upon set of rules. When everyone does what is right in their own eyes then people get hurt. If I know we are playing football I am not surprised when you tackle me. However if you tackle me in the middle of a game of chess I am greatly surprised.

The key to all of this is to desire to be reconciled more than to be right. We have to want peace more than we want to “win”. That is hard. But it is the only road to peace.

Psalm 23
1 The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside still waters; 3 he restores my soul. He leads me in right paths for his name’s sake. 4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil; for you are with me; your rod and your staff— they comfort me. 5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord my whole life long.
The Lord Jesus is my loving leader and therefore every need I have in my life will be provided as a gift of grace. He puts me in places where I am fed and watered, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. He restores my energy and my life daily. He directs me on the paths that lead to life and not death. Sometimes those paths lead into very dark places and my confidence is that the Lord is with me, protecting me as we go into the darkness. On the other side of the toughest times the Lord has prepared for me again a place of abundant provision and abundant refreshment in the midst of a dangerous world. The goodness and the mercy of the Lord Jesus pursues me and chases me down every day of my life and one day I will dwell in the heavenly temple with my loving Lord for all eternity. (Norm Wise Paraphrase)
This psalm was part of my early spiritual education. My mother read this psalm every morning before she went to work. It was her psalm. She gave it to me.
When I was a little boy I thought this was a strange psalm at first. I understood the first verse to mean that the Lord was a shepherd that I did not want in my life! I wondered; “Why was I telling God that I did not want Him?”
At times maybe there is more truth to that then I would want to admit. All we like sheep have gone astray. The shepherd keeps the sheep no t the sheep the shepherd.
Now of course the real meaning is the Lord is my Shepherd and He will provide for me. God will give me food, drink, and protection as I have need of them in this life. He will be with be during the hardest times and eventually lead me to be comforted and provided for in the midst of my enemies. The psalm never denies hardship and danger, it only assures me that the good shepherd will get me through and give me glory.
Now this is one of the best known psalms in our country. Most people would still recognize Psalm 23. However, part of this is because it is normally read at funerals. It is psalm of comfort where our focus is that we imagine our loved one sitting in heaven as God’s dinner guest. Or perhaps we see ourselves walking through the dark valley of grief assured that eventually God will comfort us. The Psalm is used by God to bring comfort in all of these circumstances.

In some ways this makes sense since Psalm 23 follows Psalm 22 which is an account of God’s suffering servant. Here we have a poetic prophecy of Messiah dying for our sins and being raised from the dead. Now the risen Lord will be the shepherd of His people and eventually bring them into His kingdom. They will overcome their enemies and see God provide for them salvation.
But the psalm does not have to be understood in this light. For African and Asian believers this psalm has become a call to reject tyrannical political rulers who want to “shepherd” them and their lives. These believers quote the psalm as a clear statement that THE LORD and not the government is my ultimate shepherd that I will trust to take care of my needs. It has become their “Jesus is Lord; not Caesar” psalm and has significant political meaning to them.
The enemies of the Christian are the unbelieving world culture we live in, the rebellious and wicked fallen angels and the remaining lack of faith within our own hearts. None of these have the power to keep the Shepherd’s purpose of providing and protecting us from being achieved. The plan of the Shepherd to provide for us will be accomplished and the enemies of our soul will fail. This is God’s promise and gift to us. The Lord is our shepherd we will not fail.
This psalm also speaks to us of the Lord’s Supper. The shepherd has prepared a table for us. This is what Jesus did with the cup and the bread. How will the shepherd provide for our needs? We are very needy. The Shepherd will have to die for the sheep. He will have to suffer so they can be provided for and protected. The Shepherd will have to die to defeat the purpose of the enemies of the sheep. The table is a provision and a protection. It shows His care and His comfort. As we take of the cup and the bread that Jesus the Messiah has given to us it tells us that one day we will dwell in the house of the Lord forever in fellowship with our KING.
The bottom line to this psalm is this. The Lord is watching over us and will win over the enemies of our soul. We do have enemies and face dark times. If we were left on our own then we would be devoured by the real dangers of this life. But we are not alone. The Lord is our Shepherd and He will provide for us care and comfort. This Shepherd is chasing us down when we stray to give to us His mercy and love. If we tell ourselves this story daily, as my mother did just before she went to work, how can we fail to not have our anxiety fall and our faith rise up in confident joy. May the Lord, grant that we will experience some of that reality this day.

On April 10, 2010 Dr. Norman Wise will be leading a seminar on Journaling. This seminar will answer questions on how to journal effectively, explain different types of journaling, and give practical pointers on how to overcome obstacles to journaling effectively.

Journaling is one of the best processes for deepening our prayer life, our knowledge of our own personalities, our past, and planning for our future. It is a skill that can be of great help in resolving our pain and fixing our problems.

The cost is $25 and includes a journaling book and lunch.

Call 954-452-4407 to register.

What are the advantages of pastoral counseling? Why would one turn to a pastor to counsel instead of a licenced professional? Some pastors are licenced professionals and others are not so how can one tell how much training a pastor has in counseling? When is pastoral counseling a better option?

The church has always provided pastoral counseling to people in need. The pastor was the counselor of the western world before the advent of modern psychology. There has been to some degree the false perspective of science and faith at war with each other reflected in the realm of psychology and counseling. In many ways secular psychology invaded and took over a realm that had been the mainly dominated by pastors and religious leaders until modern times. So is there a place for pastoral counseling today?

The answer is yes. Pastoral counseling is still a vital aspect of the ministry of the church. The pastoral counselor is one that operates as a general practitioner or family doctor as opposed to a specialist for most wounds of the soul or family. The pastoral counselor may very well be able to guide us through reconciling relationships, overcoming some forms of depression, and improving our parenting skills. The pastor can also act as a helpful source of referrals to Christan counselors and other specialists when the problems we have seem to be beyond their ability to help.

In addition the pastoral counselor can often offer help to people who would normally not get help at all. Lack of funds or insurance places many people without any ability to get help at their darkest moments from the mental health community. Pastoral counseling is offered as part of the ministry of the gospel of grace and is open to all in need. It is a service the church provides.

The pastor also is uniquely equipped to deal with some particular aspects of a problem. Spiritual direction is the key element that can be provided by the pastoral counselor. Where is God in all of this? The pastor is well trained in finding and explaining how God is at work in our darkest moments. If I want to get a biblical or spiritual insight into my struggles then seeking a pastoral counselor makes the most sense.

Another reality is that the pastor may be the only one willing to confront my behavior as “sin”. In our morally relative world it is hard to find someone who can awaken my conscience and help me fix my moral compass. If deep inside of me I know that this is one of my primary needs then seeking pastoral counseling may be critical.

Now pastoral counseling is not regulated by any central group like that offered by the state licenced professionals. So asking the pastor about his experience and training in counseling is a wise and prudent approach. Some pastors are especially gifted and skilled in this areas while others have less ability.

However, we all know that simply because someone is a licenced professional that does not guarantee us that they will provide us good counsel. Such regulation attempts to maintain a basic standard but cannot promise us that every licenced professional is a good counselor. So in reality we just need to be as careful as we normally would be in seeking the help of anyone as we deal with difficult problems. Ask about how much experience the person has especially in dealing with the problem you are facing.

So is there a place for pastoral counseling. The answer is yes. Is there a need of pastoral counseling the answer is also yes. Pastoral counseling provides a vital service to many people that would be without counsel entirely, integrates scripture into psycological methods, and alone can give a spiritual perspective on our problems. There is a need for both liscenced mental health professionals and pastoral counselors. Working together these people can provide a team that can best serve the healing of our souls.

For further reading on this one can read:

Competent to Counsel by Jay Edward Adams

Basic Types of Pastoral Care and Counseling: Resources for the Ministry of Healing and Growth by Howard John Clinebell

Clinical Handbook of Pastoral Counseling (Integration Books) by Richard D. Parsons, Robert J. Wicks, and Donald Capps

To actually be sane, stable, and spiritual is not easy.

To be sane one must be dedicated to face reality at every level. This means that one must be able to look into the mirror and really see themselves for who they really are and get past all self defense mechanisms. To know oneself is the key. Without self knowledge then everything else is built on sand. If our vision of ourselves, others, and the world is an illussion then nothing will be stable in our lives. Yet, such knowledge is rare for our we love our illussions more than we love the truth. Sanity also requires that we be able to think clearly about how we should respond to the true state of reality. In light of what really exist how would a mature and logically thinking person respond.

Stability would be the ability to keep in the truth and begin to adapt to the truth on a daily basis. It would mean that we are able to compensate for our swings in biological stability and waves of difficult circumstances. We would have the determination to keep to the path outlined by our most mature self and use this as the compass of our soul and our actions. Stability is a hunger adn thirt to live a sane life regardless of the cost.

Spirituality is really the key. Only by being actually touched by the Spirit of God can we see and accept reality. Normally our pride will keep us from seeing ourselves as we really do exist. The Spirit of the Lord must give us humility in order for us to be sane. It is so easy for us to substitute in a “religious spirit” one filled with self righteousness that has been baptized in a false humility instead of actually being naked before the face of God in truth. To be a simple disciple of Messiah Jesus is not simple. So on the one hand we can only be sane if we have been given spirituality and we can only experience spirituality if we have been given the gift of sanity.

So one reality we must face is that this is not easy. To be sane, stable, and spiritual is a narrow path and few will find it. May God have mercy on us and let us be encouraged by the truth that all who seek will find. So let us seek it with all our hearts.

He who has so little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything but his own disposition will waste his life in fruitless efforts. ~Samuel Johnson

Every growing person is dominated predominately by positive thinking. When negative thinking grows in a person then the positive passion and power of that person fades and they begin to diminish. It is important therefore that we promote positive thinking in our own lives and resist the temptation to be negative. Only when there is more positive thinking than negative thinking will our lives be healthy and growing.

What is realistic positive thinking?

Look at the best side of a situation while acknowledging problems
Believing that God can change me and others
Believe in God answering prayer in a positive way
Having hope in what God will do with in the future
Supporting positive comments and encouraging faith in others
Avoiding griping, complaining, and murmuring
Find true encouraging things to say about myself and others
Confess my sins with the confidence that God forgives me my sins in Christ Jesus
Pray for the pastor, leaders, and the other people in the church while praising God
Pray for the political leaders of my nation and the world while praising God for working for good in the midst of history.
As led by the Holy Spirit try new or challenging things hopeful that God will use them
Get better as I reflect about the past, identify mistakes, and gain wisdom from it
Encourage new, creative, and inventive ideas and see them as possible
Try to see new things from new perspectives. Seek to grow as a Christian and person.
Take prayerful and thoughtful risks
Be encouraged by those who are looking for the “up side” of a disaster
Believe that God is working all things together for good
Praise attempts to fix a dysfunctional situation
Be open to changing my point of view to see things more from God’s perspective
Believe I am realistic not optimistic
What is negative thinking?
I look at the worst side of a situation and make that the focus.
I lack the belief that I could change or others could change
I lose hope in the future being better
I take the opposing view in any positive conversation
I never make upbeat or uplifting comments about myself or others
I turn conversations into griping, complaining, or murmuring sessions
I spread rumors and gossip about leaders and suspect them of evil without proof
I complain about the pastor, the leaders, and other people in the church, and even God
I complain about political leaders, promote the idea of secret conspiracies, and offer no hope for society. I don’t bother to pray for leaders I know God will not hear.
I try nothing new or challenging because I feel that I will fail.
I get bitter over how people treat me.
I put down new, creative, and inventive ideas as impossible without being willing to brain storm.
I limit my vision of what God could be doing in my life.
I take no risks.
I am cynical towards those who are looking for an “up” side of a tragedy, failure, or disaster.
I ridicule those who say “all things are working together for good.”
I ridicule attempts to fix dysfunctional situations.
I tell people I am realistic not pessimistic.

No one is totally positive or negative. These tendencies will go up and down in each of us as individuals and as a society as a whole. Where the majority of the people and the weight of the emotional energy is positive then growth in a society will normally occur.

People are attracted to positive groups and repelled by negative ones. We should strive therefore to be realistically positive in all we do if we want our lives, our families, our communities, our culture, and the world to become more healthy. It is by promoting such an attitude that we will enjoy the life that God has given to us and attach other people to live such a life as well.

What affects human behavior? This question is important to us because we want to understand our own behavior and that of others. We desire to even understand the behavior of groups of people found in society and culture. Behind the question is that some behavior is seen as being healthy and some is seen as being unhealthy. Some is seen as being moral and some as immoral. We would want to promote sane, stable, and spiritual behavior and limit insane, unstable, and hateful behavior. So what affects human behavior?

There are two root sources of human behavior. One is the physical biology of the human being. The other is the core “faith” or central “beliefs” of that person. These significant beliefs form “Life commandments”, values, principles, and proverbs by which the person lives. This is the “wisdom” of the person. These two factors, the one biological and the other philosophical govern the behavior of the person.

Biology would include genetics which do not so much govern behavior as create tendencies in some direction. However, in some cases such as schizophrenia the actual experience of the person is strongly impacted by the genetic disorder. The body being “unhealthy” can impact our thinking ability and perception of reality. Being bi-polar radically changes how a person feels about life and perceives reality. Knowing that something is biological can help us control it but it still has a great impact. For a practical way of getting our heads around this I would recommend watching the movie “A Beautiful Mind”. This is one reason why the use of medication to help restore normal balance to our bodies is part of what must be considered if we become aware of an biological problem existing.

The “core faith” of a person or what one philosopher calls our “religious ground motives” is the pair of glasses we have chosen and been given, through which we see life. The reason these glasses have both been chosen and been given is that as children our “religious ground motives” or “core faith” is given to us by our family, peers, society, media, and culture. As Dr. Francis Schaeffer said a most people catch their view of the world the same way the catch the common cold. They simply are exposed to it and catch it without much thought on their part.

However, the maturing process by which we move from thinking like children to thinking like adults is designed for us to question the “core faith” we have been given and either confirm it for our own reasons, modify it, or replace it with something new. Some people never do this and lack this process of maturity. There faith remains the faith of a child even though they are adults. The fact is we have a moral responsibility to “know ourselves” and evaluate if our “core beliefs” or “religious ground motives” are true or false. It is out of these heart felt beliefs that we will develop our life style and behavior. Therefore, the choice of these key values is of vital importance in understanding and influencing human behavior.

From these core beliefs we then frame our thinking. Dr. Thomas S. Kuhn in his work on the structure of scientific revolutions has demonstrated that breakthroughs in science are not normally caused by new information but by a change in mental “paradigms” by which the information is interpreted. The same is true for our thinking. Our presuppositions about life determine what we think. We begin to narrate a story about our lives, the lives of others, and society based on these core beliefs.

Our thinking that is expressed in our “self talk” and “life story” create our emotions. If this inner voice is telling a story that is optimistic and noble we feel “happy” and if this voice tells a tragic story about life we become pessimistic and sad. If our story makes us “victims” we can feel defensive and angry. If our inner tale pictures us as noble heroes and heroines then we have a tendency to act out our roles. These stories are very complex and have many sub-plots. But the truth is that the world is a stage and we are actors on it. But not only actors but play writes and directors as well.

All of our actions are governed by our emotions. Mr. Spock in the series “Star Trek” would not act logically except he loved logic. In fact in the development of this character as his beliefs about emotions change and the story he has about life changes, then we see the actions of Mr. Spock changing to include the acceptance of the expression of emotions as a positive good. Emotions are created out of the story we are telling about our lives and about life generally. They can also be created out of our biology. Therefore, these are the two immediate things that affect our behavior. However, ultimately our story is guided by our “core faith” about life. To change the behavior we have to change the script and to change the script one has to change their “core beliefs” that govern that personal script.

So if there is behavior you would want to get rid of as an individual you have to be willing to look at your core beliefs and your biological state. Where is the behavior you want to change coming from? Only by taking a step back and striving to objectively “know ourselves” can we decide to change our beliefs and biology. If we were to hope to change society and culture this could only be done by attempting to impact people at the level of their “core beliefs” or “central values” while encouraging proper use of medication that would produce better behavior.

It is interesting to note that our biology can be impacted by our environment.
A group of scientist have released a report called “Hardwired to Connect:
The Scientific Case for Authoritative Communities” (http://www.americanvalues.org/html/hardwired_-_ex_summary.html)
which suggest that one of the reasons why American youth have to be put on so much medication to control their behavior is due to the lack of healthy social communities in which they are being raised. The study seems to indicate that there is healthy way for society to be structured that helps children biologically to remain balanced and dysfunctional structures of society that actually produces biological problems in governing behavior.

It is also true that in some cases we are using medication when we should be helping people go deeper into their philosophical belief systems which may be the source of their struggles. Dr. Lou Marinoff in his book “Plato, Not Prozac! Applying Philosophy to Everyday Problems” makes a good case that in some cases if we could get our thinking straight that this would do us more good than medication.

What affects our behavior? The short answer is biology and beliefs. How could we change our behavior. We need to know ourselves and rightly determine the source of our feelings so that we know if they are coming from our beliefs or our biology and even how these two may be interacting. Only by being willing to change some of our core beliefs or biology would we be able to make life style changes. This occurs only when we stop justifying our current behavior and are willing to recognize that we have a problem. Only the humble can change.

How do we deal with difficult people? How do we make peace in a world of aggressive people? How do we keep from becoming abusive to abusers?

The first step we must make is to recognize we are not responsible for the other person or their abuse. We do not cause someone to abuse us. When someone acts in a wrong way they are 100% responsible for what they do.

The second reality is that we must carefully think through our response. We must not react but carefully choose what we say and do. Each word and each action should revlect our most sane, stable, and spiritual self.

The third reality is that as much as it is under our control we should strive to be at peace with every person. While setting proper boundaries we should strive to find resolutions to conflict. Our aim should not be “justice” but harmony.

We will always have to deal with difficult and abusive people. There will always be people who hurt us. But we can limit that pain by being peace makers. By having realistic expectations and striving for self control we can maximize our influence for good and limit the evil such people can cause.

Human beings need a sense of purpose. In World War II the Japanese would break prisoners by first having them dig a ditch in the morning and then fill in the same ditch in the afternoon. Working without purpose drives us crazy.

We need to feel that our efforts will allow us to live. There must be a connection in our minds between our doing and our surviving.

We need to feel that our efforts will lead us to love. We want to know the love of God and other people. To be loved and to love are critical. Our efforts must give us hope that our relationships will deepen.

We need to believe we are learning. Our efforts must be leading us to better knowledge of life, the world, others, God, and our experiences. We do not want to believe we will not find answers.

We need to believe that we will find laughter in our doing. Life without the potential for fun is enough to drive us mad. The joy of life is part of what we seek.

Finally, we want to believe that what we do will leave a good legacy. We must believe that our striving, working, sweating, and struggling will leave a good mark upon the world. We want to believe that God is using our life for good.

Our purpose is to live, love, learn, laugh, and leave a good legacy to the next generation. Only as we have a sense of divine calling and significance in each of these areas are we sane, stable, and spiritual.

As we begin 2010 let us check our lives. Are we on course? Is our direction leading to what we want to accomplish in our lives? If not; then what needs to change? How would we change it? It is a good time to ask such questions.