The narrow path

March 5th, 2010

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To actually be sane, stable, and spiritual is not easy.

To be sane one must be dedicated to face reality at every level. This means that one must be able to look into the mirror and really see themselves for who they really are and get past all self defense mechanisms. To know oneself is the key. Without self knowledge then everything else is built on sand. If our vision of ourselves, others, and the world is an illussion then nothing will be stable in our lives. Yet, such knowledge is rare for our we love our illussions more than we love the truth. Sanity also requires that we be able to think clearly about how we should respond to the true state of reality. In light of what really exist how would a mature and logically thinking person respond.

Stability would be the ability to keep in the truth and begin to adapt to the truth on a daily basis. It would mean that we are able to compensate for our swings in biological stability and waves of difficult circumstances. We would have the determination to keep to the path outlined by our most mature self and use this as the compass of our soul and our actions. Stability is a hunger adn thirt to live a sane life regardless of the cost.

Spirituality is really the key. Only by being actually touched by the Spirit of God can we see and accept reality. Normally our pride will keep us from seeing ourselves as we really do exist. The Spirit of the Lord must give us humility in order for us to be sane. It is so easy for us to substitute in a “religious spirit” one filled with self righteousness that has been baptized in a false humility instead of actually being naked before the face of God in truth. To be a simple disciple of Messiah Jesus is not simple. So on the one hand we can only be sane if we have been given spirituality and we can only experience spirituality if we have been given the gift of sanity.

So one reality we must face is that this is not easy. To be sane, stable, and spiritual is a narrow path and few will find it. May God have mercy on us and let us be encouraged by the truth that all who seek will find. So let us seek it with all our hearts.

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The Power of Positive Thinking

January 28th, 2010

He who has so little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything but his own disposition will waste his life in fruitless efforts. ~Samuel Johnson

Every growing person is dominated predominately by positive thinking. When negative thinking grows in a person then the positive passion and power of that person fades and they begin to diminish. It is important therefore that we promote positive thinking in our own lives and resist the temptation to be negative. Only when there is more positive thinking than negative thinking will our lives be healthy and growing.

What is realistic positive thinking?

Look at the best side of a situation while acknowledging problems
Believing that God can change me and others
Believe in God answering prayer in a positive way
Having hope in what God will do with in the future
Supporting positive comments and encouraging faith in others
Avoiding griping, complaining, and murmuring
Find true encouraging things to say about myself and others
Confess my sins with the confidence that God forgives me my sins in Christ Jesus
Pray for the pastor, leaders, and the other people in the church while praising God
Pray for the political leaders of my nation and the world while praising God for working for good in the midst of history.
As led by the Holy Spirit try new or challenging things hopeful that God will use them
Get better as I reflect about the past, identify mistakes, and gain wisdom from it
Encourage new, creative, and inventive ideas and see them as possible
Try to see new things from new perspectives. Seek to grow as a Christian and person.
Take prayerful and thoughtful risks
Be encouraged by those who are looking for the “up side” of a disaster
Believe that God is working all things together for good
Praise attempts to fix a dysfunctional situation
Be open to changing my point of view to see things more from God’s perspective
Believe I am realistic not optimistic
What is negative thinking?
I look at the worst side of a situation and make that the focus.
I lack the belief that I could change or others could change
I lose hope in the future being better
I take the opposing view in any positive conversation
I never make upbeat or uplifting comments about myself or others
I turn conversations into griping, complaining, or murmuring sessions
I spread rumors and gossip about leaders and suspect them of evil without proof
I complain about the pastor, the leaders, and other people in the church, and even God
I complain about political leaders, promote the idea of secret conspiracies, and offer no hope for society. I don’t bother to pray for leaders I know God will not hear.
I try nothing new or challenging because I feel that I will fail.
I get bitter over how people treat me.
I put down new, creative, and inventive ideas as impossible without being willing to brain storm.
I limit my vision of what God could be doing in my life.
I take no risks.
I am cynical towards those who are looking for an “up” side of a tragedy, failure, or disaster.
I ridicule those who say “all things are working together for good.”
I ridicule attempts to fix dysfunctional situations.
I tell people I am realistic not pessimistic.

No one is totally positive or negative. These tendencies will go up and down in each of us as individuals and as a society as a whole. Where the majority of the people and the weight of the emotional energy is positive then growth in a society will normally occur.

People are attracted to positive groups and repelled by negative ones. We should strive therefore to be realistically positive in all we do if we want our lives, our families, our communities, our culture, and the world to become more healthy. It is by promoting such an attitude that we will enjoy the life that God has given to us and attach other people to live such a life as well.

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What Affects Human Behavior?

January 4th, 2010

What affects human behavior? This question is important to us because we want to understand our own behavior and that of others. We desire to even understand the behavior of groups of people found in society and culture. Behind the question is that some behavior is seen as being healthy and some is seen as being unhealthy. Some is seen as being moral and some as immoral. We would want to promote sane, stable, and spiritual behavior and limit insane, unstable, and hateful behavior. So what affects human behavior?

There are two root sources of human behavior. One is the physical biology of the human being. The other is the core “faith” or central “beliefs” of that person. These significant beliefs form “Life commandments”, values, principles, and proverbs by which the person lives. This is the “wisdom” of the person. These two factors, the one biological and the other philosophical govern the behavior of the person.

Biology would include genetics which do not so much govern behavior as create tendencies in some direction. However, in some cases such as schizophrenia the actual experience of the person is strongly impacted by the genetic disorder. The body being “unhealthy” can impact our thinking ability and perception of reality. Being bi-polar radically changes how a person feels about life and perceives reality. Knowing that something is biological can help us control it but it still has a great impact. For a practical way of getting our heads around this I would recommend watching the movie “A Beautiful Mind”. This is one reason why the use of medication to help restore normal balance to our bodies is part of what must be considered if we become aware of an biological problem existing.

The “core faith” of a person or what one philosopher calls our “religious ground motives” is the pair of glasses we have chosen and been given, through which we see life. The reason these glasses have both been chosen and been given is that as children our “religious ground motives” or “core faith” is given to us by our family, peers, society, media, and culture. As Dr. Francis Schaeffer said a most people catch their view of the world the same way the catch the common cold. They simply are exposed to it and catch it without much thought on their part.

However, the maturing process by which we move from thinking like children to thinking like adults is designed for us to question the “core faith” we have been given and either confirm it for our own reasons, modify it, or replace it with something new. Some people never do this and lack this process of maturity. There faith remains the faith of a child even though they are adults. The fact is we have a moral responsibility to “know ourselves” and evaluate if our “core beliefs” or “religious ground motives” are true or false. It is out of these heart felt beliefs that we will develop our life style and behavior. Therefore, the choice of these key values is of vital importance in understanding and influencing human behavior.

From these core beliefs we then frame our thinking. Dr. Thomas S. Kuhn in his work on the structure of scientific revolutions has demonstrated that breakthroughs in science are not normally caused by new information but by a change in mental “paradigms” by which the information is interpreted. The same is true for our thinking. Our presuppositions about life determine what we think. We begin to narrate a story about our lives, the lives of others, and society based on these core beliefs.

Our thinking that is expressed in our “self talk” and “life story” create our emotions. If this inner voice is telling a story that is optimistic and noble we feel “happy” and if this voice tells a tragic story about life we become pessimistic and sad. If our story makes us “victims” we can feel defensive and angry. If our inner tale pictures us as noble heroes and heroines then we have a tendency to act out our roles. These stories are very complex and have many sub-plots. But the truth is that the world is a stage and we are actors on it. But not only actors but play writes and directors as well.

All of our actions are governed by our emotions. Mr. Spock in the series “Star Trek” would not act logically except he loved logic. In fact in the development of this character as his beliefs about emotions change and the story he has about life changes, then we see the actions of Mr. Spock changing to include the acceptance of the expression of emotions as a positive good. Emotions are created out of the story we are telling about our lives and about life generally. They can also be created out of our biology. Therefore, these are the two immediate things that affect our behavior. However, ultimately our story is guided by our “core faith” about life. To change the behavior we have to change the script and to change the script one has to change their “core beliefs” that govern that personal script.

So if there is behavior you would want to get rid of as an individual you have to be willing to look at your core beliefs and your biological state. Where is the behavior you want to change coming from? Only by taking a step back and striving to objectively “know ourselves” can we decide to change our beliefs and biology. If we were to hope to change society and culture this could only be done by attempting to impact people at the level of their “core beliefs” or “central values” while encouraging proper use of medication that would produce better behavior.

It is interesting to note that our biology can be impacted by our environment.
A group of scientist have released a report called “Hardwired to Connect:
The Scientific Case for Authoritative Communities” (http://www.americanvalues.org/html/hardwired_-_ex_summary.html)
which suggest that one of the reasons why American youth have to be put on so much medication to control their behavior is due to the lack of healthy social communities in which they are being raised. The study seems to indicate that there is healthy way for society to be structured that helps children biologically to remain balanced and dysfunctional structures of society that actually produces biological problems in governing behavior.

It is also true that in some cases we are using medication when we should be helping people go deeper into their philosophical belief systems which may be the source of their struggles. Dr. Lou Marinoff in his book “Plato, Not Prozac! Applying Philosophy to Everyday Problems” makes a good case that in some cases if we could get our thinking straight that this would do us more good than medication.

What affects our behavior? The short answer is biology and beliefs. How could we change our behavior. We need to know ourselves and rightly determine the source of our feelings so that we know if they are coming from our beliefs or our biology and even how these two may be interacting. Only by being willing to change some of our core beliefs or biology would we be able to make life style changes. This occurs only when we stop justifying our current behavior and are willing to recognize that we have a problem. Only the humble can change.

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Dealing with difficult people

January 3rd, 2010

How do we deal with difficult people? How do we make peace in a world of aggressive people? How do we keep from becoming abusive to abusers?

The first step we must make is to recognize we are not responsible for the other person or their abuse. We do not cause someone to abuse us. When someone acts in a wrong way they are 100% responsible for what they do.

The second reality is that we must carefully think through our response. We must not react but carefully choose what we say and do. Each word and each action should revlect our most sane, stable, and spiritual self.

The third reality is that as much as it is under our control we should strive to be at peace with every person. While setting proper boundaries we should strive to find resolutions to conflict. Our aim should not be “justice” but harmony.

We will always have to deal with difficult and abusive people. There will always be people who hurt us. But we can limit that pain by being peace makers. By having realistic expectations and striving for self control we can maximize our influence for good and limit the evil such people can cause.

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The Power of Purpose

January 1st, 2010

Human beings need a sense of purpose. In World War II the Japanese would break prisoners by first having them dig a ditch in the morning and then fill in the same ditch in the afternoon. Working without purpose drives us crazy.

We need to feel that our efforts will allow us to live. There must be a connection in our minds between our doing and our surviving.

We need to feel that our efforts will lead us to love. We want to know the love of God and other people. To be loved and to love are critical. Our efforts must give us hope that our relationships will deepen.

We need to believe we are learning. Our efforts must be leading us to better knowledge of life, the world, others, God, and our experiences. We do not want to believe we will not find answers.

We need to believe that we will find laughter in our doing. Life without the potential for fun is enough to drive us mad. The joy of life is part of what we seek.

Finally, we want to believe that what we do will leave a good legacy. We must believe that our striving, working, sweating, and struggling will leave a good mark upon the world. We want to believe that God is using our life for good.

Our purpose is to live, love, learn, laugh, and leave a good legacy to the next generation. Only as we have a sense of divine calling and significance in each of these areas are we sane, stable, and spiritual.

As we begin 2010 let us check our lives. Are we on course? Is our direction leading to what we want to accomplish in our lives? If not; then what needs to change? How would we change it? It is a good time to ask such questions.

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Gravity works

December 30th, 2009

Gravity Works
One of the hardest realities we have to face is that we are not above the rules that are set into the very structure of life. There are principles which no one can escape. Wisdom is being careful to live within the framework of these principles. Folly is when I believe; I can break the rules and use that to my advantage.
We seek happiness. Vice historically has been understood as the unhealthy, insane, and short road to happiness. Vices bring pleasure instantly. Surely, happiness will be found by maximizing pleasure. So as the vices produce pleasure, we feel that we will achieve being happy, and this leads us back to practice the vice once more. This cycle becomes addictive.
Vices have the ability to trigger the pleasure part of our brain easily and effectively. In this way of looking at things “vice” is cheap. But there is always a cost to vice. Addicts make bad spouses and parents. Over the long haul most vices take a toll on our bodies. If we devote ourselves to finding pleasure in all the wrong places we will normally find ourselves isolated, alone, and rejected as we face death.
But how else will we find happiness? If happiness is not found in “vice” then where is it found? Historically the answer to this question has been virtue. Virtue was understood as the healthy, sane, and long road to happiness. Virtue is living a life by figuring out what reality is and then adapting to it. It is striving to be free of illusion and denial.
The most significant transforming moment in a person’s life is when they lose faith in “Vice” and we come to believe that true and long lasting happiness will be found in living a life of virtue in accordance with the principles of life woven into the very fabric of our beings. We decide to not try to “cheat” at life to win but instead decide to strive within the confines of the “rules.”
We believe and accept that gravity works.

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Merry Christmas for all the sad people

December 24th, 2009

You may be feeling very sad today. It is OK to feel sad on Christmas eve. God is OK with that.

He understands how living in a broken world can cause sadness. He came to live with you in the broken world. To share in it and to know it on an intimate level. He understands being abused, rejected, slandered, neglected, and hated. He has cried about all those realities and He has suffered all those realities.

One of the wonderful realities of Christmas is that in the person of Messiah Jesus, God is now with us. He is not watching us from a safe distance in heaven. He came to be with us in our pain, sorrow, confusion, loss, and hurt. He embraces us in our brokenness. He is not ashamed to be in a relationship with us even though everything is dark and polluted in our lives. He touches us where we are.

So even as you feel sad this holiday. Understand that God is with you in your sorrow and understands your sadness. He is embracing you with unconditional love and is fully committed to never leaving you. Live in that reality.

Merry Christmas

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Sanity 101

December 23rd, 2009

To say no to illusions is hard. Illusion often feel better than reality. But when one depends on an illusion to be real that is when the real pain comes. That is when we feel our worlds collapse.

For this reason one must have a commitment to the real world. To seek to know and accept what really exists and not the dreams that we would wish exist. We must have expectations based on what actually does exist.

Yet, we need to be careful to not limit reality. If we do we may never invent airplanes or computers. Sometimes our vision of what is real is far to small. There is greater potential in reality than some of us would ever dream.

So part of being sane is to open to all that is real and strive to discern what is from what is illusion. We must get rid of illusionarythinking and strive for realistic thinking. But we must in this process remember that reality has great God given potentials beyond what we would normally think. Therefore part of facing reality is to be creative and imaginative in our search for what actually exists.

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Dealing with Holidays

December 22nd, 2009

How to deal with the holiday blues

1. Recognize that the holidays will be over very soon

2. Remember that the people wishing you “Happy Holidays” really do for the most part want you to know happiness during this season. You may not be able to be happy but to have people wishing you blessing is never bad.

3. Take time to look at the cup half full. Make a list of what you do have. Keep yourself from denying the good that is in your life.

4. Choose to do one act of kindness for someone regardless of how you feel.

5. Give yourself the right to grieve your losses in the security that God embraces you in His love which is found in Messiah Jesus.

Remember: blessed are all those who mourn for they will be comforted.

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Holiday Blues

December 13th, 2009

How does one deal with the Holiday blues? To be depressed and disappointed when the rest of the world seems filled with joy and excitement is one of the most difficult experiences to have in our lives. Yet, every holiday there are tens of millions of people that find the holidays a difficult struggle and rejoice when they are over because they know that inwardly they are not filling happiness but instead sadness.

There are many reasons for the holiday blues. The holidays can force us to face the fact that we are in real financial trouble and cannot give the gifts we would like unless we want to add to our already over burdened credit card debt. For others this season is mixed with the loss of a loved one. Perhaps this Christmas will be the first one where that person is not around the table. Their loss is felt deeply and their contribution to the dynamics of the family is experienced. Sometimes the holidays force us to face the fact our family is split, divided, and alienated. We are alone not because of death but because of conflict. The New Year might just remind us that we enter it without any hope of our dreams being reached and the sense that our visions have died. We do not enter the new year with goals but with fear of losing what little we have left. All of these factors and many others can make the holidays a crisis of soul.

How do we fight the holiday blue? First to remember that the real message of the holidays is about God’s undonditional love for us in the middle of our struggles. God did not come to seek the happy but the helpless in the Messiah Jesus. Therefore, if we are feeling hopeless and helpless we are the very ones for whom Messiah Jesus came. He said only the sick need Him. If we confess that our soul is sick then we are qualified to have Messiah Jesus give us some of His joy freely. Maybe we need to allow ourselves to really listen to the message of the Chirstmas carols. They are not about how life is great, they are about how God loves us in our difficult and struggling lives. How God has decided to forgive our failures and give us paridise as a gift paid for by the death of His Messiah Son Jesus. The Holidays are Holy Days because they remind us of good news intended for those who feel poor in spirit. Maybe those who are not confessing their spiritual poverty are really the ones out of touch with the spirit of the season. Maybe in our struggle and pain we are the ones most ready to hear the wonder of God’s love and be touched by His grace.

Second, just decide to not be rushed or pressurred into doing more than your soul can take. Seek to have a meditative and quiet time. Seek fellowship with people who are safe. If you are emotionally fed by being alone then give yourself some thoughtful walks and take time to journal. If being around people helps you then most churches will be having events that allows you to have a spiritual family even if your physical family is not able to be with you.

Third this may be the time to find a counselor, coach, or spiritual director. Out of the ashes of the past you can decide to reframe and renew a search for answers. Out of the hope of the holidays you can decide to respond with new hope. If you need comfort for a loss, now is the time to begin a journey of healing and if despair had dominated your life, now is the time to seek hope. The holidays are a problem but they are also a potential.

I hope that you will feel the presence of the God who loves you more than your wildest dreams of God’s love. Even if you are angry with God, He is loving you. God loves His enemies. He understands your pain better than anyone else. He understands you better than anyone else. He is inside your mind and heart. Your soul is naked before God. He embraces you in Christ. In that embrace is healing. Open your heart to that comforting embrace this holiday season.

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